Introduction
For decades, masturbation has been surrounded by myths, guilt and misinformation. Yet modern sexology tells us it is a completely normal behavior, present in men and women of all ages and cultures. Beyond pleasure, masturbation is a powerful tool of sexual self-knowledge and a resource that can significantly enrich intimate life — both for single people and for those in a relationship.
As a sex therapist, I often say that it is hard to share with another person what we don't even know about ourselves. Discovering how our body responds, what kind of stimulation feels most pleasurable and what our sexual desires are is the foundation of a healthy, satisfying sexuality.
Self-knowledge improves your sex life
Masturbation lets us explore the body without pressure, expectations or the need to “perform.” Through this exploration we learn to identify our erogenous zones, the rhythm we like, the intensity of touch, and even the kind of fantasies that fuel our arousal.
Research in sexology shows that people who know their sexual response better tend to communicate their preferences to their partners more easily. As a result, they experience more satisfying sex, reach orgasm more easily and feel less anxiety during intimate encounters.
In other words, the best lover for your partner is yourself, because only you can teach them how your pleasure works.
Do people in relationships also masturbate?
One of the most widespread beliefs is that someone who masturbates while in a relationship must be unsatisfied or desire someone else. The scientific reality shows exactly the opposite.
International studies indicate that between 60% and 90% of men in stable relationships keep masturbating, and between 40% and 70% of women do too, depending on age, culture and how often they have partnered sex.
In other words, masturbation doesn't disappear when a partner appears. Both forms of sexuality serve different functions. Shared sexuality seeks connection, affection, intimacy and mutual pleasure. Masturbation, in turn, offers a space of self-care, relaxation, exploration and management of one's own desire.
They are not competing activities — they can complement each other perfectly.
Masturbation strengthens the couple
Far from being a threat to intimacy, masturbation can become an ally of the relationship when it is lived with trust and transparency.
When someone knows their body well, they can explain more clearly what they like and don't like. This makes sexual communication easier, reduces misunderstandings and eases the frustration many couples feel when trying to guess each other's desires.
Many couples also add mutual masturbation to their erotic repertoire. Watching how the other enjoys, sharing fantasies or simply accompanying each other in that moment can deepen complicity, desire and trust.
It is also especially useful when there are differences in sexual desire. If one partner has a stronger need for sexual activity than the other, masturbation can ease that gap without generating pressure, guilt or conflict.
Benefits beyond the bedroom
The emotional connection also benefits. When shame and guilt around sexuality fade, conversations become more open and honest. Couples learn to talk about pleasure, desires, boundaries and fantasies naturally.
That communication tends to spill over into other areas of the relationship. Trust grows, the ability to express needs improves and the sense of emotional safety deepens.
Very often, the real problem isn't a lack of sex — it's a lack of conversation about sex.
A different perspective
Masturbation shouldn't be understood as a substitute for a sexual relationship, but as another expression of human sexuality. It is a healthy practice that can help reduce stress, improve sleep, ease sexual tension and support emotional well-being.
Today's sexology invites us to leave behind old beliefs rooted in fear and guilt, and replace them with knowledge, respect and freedom.
Because a person who knows their body, accepts their sexuality and can talk about it without shame is far more likely to build healthy, satisfying and authentic intimate relationships.
In short, sexual self-knowledge does not distance us from our partner — it brings us closer. When we learn to enjoy our own sexuality, we also learn to share it with more generosity, trust and connection.